Sexist writing

940 603 admin

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

​​ 

Error​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​  It’s ok, but we can improve​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​  Good to go

 

Some​​ parents​​ think​​ that going to school is the most beneficial method to promote their children’s development, whereas others consider​​ X​​ more effective​​ that​​ their​​ sons​​ do​​ privates​​ lessons​​ at home. This essay will compare the advantages of both methods.

The majority of​​ parents​​ still hold the belief​​ that that going to school is the most beneficial method to promote their children’s development, whereas others consider private lessons at home to be more effective for their children. This essay will compare the advantages of both methods.

The clearest benefit to studying at home is that it represents the only way to customize the method of teaching ___ focusing on the skills that each child needs to improve, given that the teacher has to deal with only one pupil. In fact, this system of teaching allows a significant cognitive development, especially in children with learning disorders who need to be​​ followed​​ with particular attention.

The clearest benefit to studying at home is that it represents the only way to customize the method of teaching​​ by​​ focusing on the skills that each child needs to improve, given that the teacher has to deal with only one pupil. In fact, this system of teaching allows a significant cognitive development, especially in children with learning disorders who need to be​​ more carefully monitored.

While these arguments are all valid reasons to support teaching at home, some people continue to believe that going to school is better for children because there they can acquire not only academic skills but also the ability to​​ confront​​ and relate X each other.​​ Probably​​ these are the most important things that children learn at school,​​ where​​ they begin to realize that there is a world outside of their homes and their families x full of difficulties and obstacles to overcome.

While these arguments are all valid reasons to support teaching at home, some people continue to believe that going to school is better for children because there they can acquire not only academic skills but also the ability to​​ compare​​ and relate​​ to​​ each other.​​ These are arguably the most important things that children learn at school,​​ as​​ they begin to realize that there is a world outside of their homes and their families, full of difficulties and obstacles to overcome.

In my view, school is effective training for life. This is why it is​​ needful​​ for children’s development.​​ So x​​ one compromise could be​​ going​​ to school every morning and X a number of hours in the afternoon of individual lessons for students who need extra help to do their homework and​​ fill their gaps.This may be the most effective way for pupils to acquire new skills.

In my view, school is effective training for life. This is why it is​​ necessary​​ for children’s development.​​ So,​​ one compromise could be​​ going​​ to school every morning and​​ having​​ a number of hours in the afternoon of individual lessons for students who need extra help to do their homework and​​ work on problem areas.This may be the most effective way for pupils to acquire new skills.

 

Band score

Task ResponseR

7

 

Coherence and​​ Cohesion

7

don’t forget commas after introductory words like so


don’t  start sentences with probably or arguably, might be better to put that after the subject. shows  more control.

Lexical​​ Resource

7

Consider + something + to be + an adjective or noun​​ 

 

Confront = to face up to someone and force them to understand your truth​​ 

She stole my sandwich. I​​ confronted​​ her about that but she just ignored me and kept on eating my sandwich. Oh.

 

Needful is not a word. It will never be a word. Ok - maybe it will be a word at some point - but definitely not now.  

 

avoid​​ some. avoid​​ think.​​ 

they’re too basic now.

 

Sons​​ only talks about​​ boys. don’t forget the​​ girls

sons/daughters​​ =​​ children. If you get bored of this world, use​​ offspring​​ (only if it’s related to parents)

Hey - you. Control your offspring. This is a restaurant, not a circus.

Grammar​​ Response

6

don’t forget to use​​ by​​ to explain how… where just explains the environment in which something happens, but it doesn’t talk about the reason for that!