Long, boring, and wrong

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To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history.

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Error​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​  It’s ok, but we can improve​​   ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​ ​​​​  Good to go

 

Original

Rewrite

For many people, History​​ have​​ been a​​ hard​​ subject to learn in the school days,​​ so much that​​ many​​ students have​​ asked for​​ many​​ times why do they have to become versed in this and it’s known there are persons who​​ think​​ that the past has​​ just a little value​​ in the modern world. In this essay, I’ll​​ consign​​ my points of view about​​ being or not being taught in it.

 

For many people,​​ History has​​ been a​​ challenging​​ subject to learn in the school days,​​ so much that​​ a growing number of​​ students​​ are now​​ asking​​ why do they have to become versed in this and it’s known there are persons who​​ feel/believe/argue​​ that the past has​​ relatively​​ little value​​ in the modern world. In this essay, I’ll​​ present​​ my points of view about the​​ possible consequences of being or not being taught in it.

Well, when we study the past we can understand the present, our language, our costumes, the world‘s  economic situation, the differences between the countries and how to​​ move our lives inside the planet.​​  And, given that human beings​​ repeat many times​​ their behavior, we could​​ guess and anticipate​​ our actions when we are in front of a​​ determinate​​ stage.I understand that the learning process is​​ hard,​​ because​​ students have to memorize many details and​​ some teacher​​ could be boring,​​ but​​ the solution should be​​ X​​ change the methods of teaching, not to stop the training.​​ We need entertaining classes​​ x​​ focus more​​ in​​ important facts than just​​ in​​ names and dates.

It is widely-understood that, when we study the past we can understand the present, our language, our costumes, the world‘s  economic situation, the differences between the countries and how to​​ conduct our lives on this planet.​​  And, given that human beings​​ repeat their behavior many times, we could​​ speculate on and anticipate​​ our actions when we are​​ facing a specific event.​​ I understand that the learning process is​​ difficult,  as​​ students have to memorize many details and​​ some teachers​​ could be boring.​​ However, the solution should be to​​ change the methods of teaching, not to stop the training.​​ We need entertaining classes​​ to focus more on​​ important facts than​​ simply on​​ names and dates.

I believe that if children​​ don’t​​ receive knowledge about history, we will have in the future a group of ignorant people manageable by a few egoistic​​ politics​​ who could enslave them.​​ And maybe​​ we are living something similar to this today,​​ because​​ tv is​​ used often​​ to misinform us and people take only the media reports as​​ the true, not the books.

I believe that if children​​ fail to​​ receive knowledge about history, we will have in the future a group of ignorant people manageable by a few​​ self-serving politician​​ who could enslave them.​​ It could be argued that​​ we are living something similar to this today,​​ since​​ tv is​​ often  used​​ to misinform us and people take only the media reports as​​ the truth,​​ instead of investigating deeper.

 

Band score

Task ResponseR

6

Avoid using words like ‘well’ and ‘and maybe’. It’s spoken English.​​ 

Avoid contractions (I’ll)

Coherence and​​ Cohesion

6/7

Because = As / Given that

But = although

Lexical​​ Resource

6/7

Nice attempts, but lots of inaccuracy​​ 

 

ask something (answer this question please)

ask for (request) something (bring me this, please)  

ask about something (give me more information about this please)

Grammar​​ Response

7

Reasonable.