Long, boring, and wrong

940 594 admin

To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history.

 

Error                    It’s ok, but we can improve                    Good to go

 

Original

Rewrite

For many people, History have been a hard subject to learn in the school days, so much that many students have asked for many times why do they have to become versed in this and it’s known there are persons who think that the past has just a little value in the modern world. In this essay, I’ll consign my points of view about being or not being taught in it.

 

For many people, History has been a challenging subject to learn in the school days, so much that a growing number of students are now asking why do they have to become versed in this and it’s known there are persons who feel/believe/argue that the past has relatively little value in the modern world. In this essay, I’ll present my points of view about the possible consequences of being or not being taught in it.

Well, when we study the past we can understand the present, our language, our costumes, the world‘s  economic situation, the differences between the countries and how to move our lives inside the planet.  And, given that human beings repeat many times their behavior, we could guess and anticipate our actions when we are in front of a determinate stage.I understand that the learning process is hard, because students have to memorize many details and some teacher could be boring, but the solution should be X change the methods of teaching, not to stop the training. We need entertaining classes x focus more in important facts than just in names and dates.

It is widely-understood that, when we study the past we can understand the present, our language, our costumes, the world‘s  economic situation, the differences between the countries and how to conduct our lives on this planet.  And, given that human beings repeat their behavior many times, we could speculate on and anticipate our actions when we are facing a specific event. I understand that the learning process is difficult,  as students have to memorize many details and some teachers could be boring. However, the solution should be to change the methods of teaching, not to stop the training. We need entertaining classes to focus more on important facts than simply on names and dates.

I believe that if children don’t receive knowledge about history, we will have in the future a group of ignorant people manageable by a few egoistic politics who could enslave them. And maybe we are living something similar to this today, because tv is used often to misinform us and people take only the media reports as the true, not the books.

I believe that if children fail to receive knowledge about history, we will have in the future a group of ignorant people manageable by a few self-serving politician who could enslave them. It could be argued that we are living something similar to this today, since tv is often  used to misinform us and people take only the media reports as the truth, instead of investigating deeper.

 

Band score

Task ResponseR

6

Avoid using words like ‘well’ and ‘and maybe’. It’s spoken English. 

Avoid contractions (I’ll)

Coherence and Cohesion

6/7

Because = As / Given that

But = although

Lexical Resource

6/7

Nice attempts, but lots of inaccuracy 

 

ask something (answer this question please)

ask for (request) something (bring me this, please)  

ask about something (give me more information about this please)

Grammar Response

7

Reasonable.