Articles and prepositions

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Internet crime is rising rapidly as more people around the world have the internet. Discuss the reasons for this and offer some solutions.  

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It is undeniable that internet is a powerful tool used by​​ almost 80% of the world’s population. However,​​ throughout​​ this technological resource, criminals are stealing personal information and crime rate is​​ increasing continuously.

Now​​ used by​​ the majority​​ of the world’s population, it is undeniable that​​ the internet​​ is a powerful and​​ widely-trusted​​ tool. However,​​ through​​ this technological resource, criminals are stealing personal information and the crime rate is​​ spiralling.

There are a number of crimes that can be committed​​ using​​ the web. Firstly, and probably the most common, is​​ the access to​​ private data. Criminals, using advanced software, can​​ access to​​ credit card numbers and bank account passwords. For instance,​​ the last month​​ I received​​ my​​ bank statement with a USD250 discount​​ for​​ a purchase in a​​ sport​​ shop​​ in Miami. This is​​ clearly an illustration​​ of this type of crime as I​​ did not buy any​​ item.  Secondly, criminals can also​​ have​​ access to private photographs and then use​​ it​​ to create fake profiles on Facebook or Instragram. Using these profiles x they ask for money or blackmail your contacts.​​ Even more, personal photographs can be used to promote pornographic web sites.

There are a number of crimes that can be committed​​ on​​ the web. Firstly, and probably most common,​​ is (by) accessing​​ private data. Criminals, using advanced software, can​​ access​​ credit card numbers and bank account passwords. For instance,​​ last month​​ I received a bank statement with a USD250​​ deduction for​​ a shop purchase. Given that I had made no such purchase, my bank details had clearly been hacked and used. Secondly, criminals can also​​ gain access​​ to private​​ photographs​​ and then use these/them​​ to create fake profiles on commonly-used applications such as Facebook or Instagram. Using these profiles they ask for money or blackmail your contacts.​​ Additionally, personal photographs can be used to promote pornographic web sites.

However, different measures can be​​ taken into account​​ to prevent this type of crime. To begin with,​​ accessing to​​ internet only​​ in​​ reliable computers is the best advice. Then, if strictly necessary, select carefully the​​ on-line​​ shops according to their safety rating. In addition, create strong passwords using symbols and a mix of capital letters and numbers. For example, your personal identification number is not a difficult number to hack. Try to be more creative.

However, different measures can be​​ put into effect​​ to prevent this type of crime. To begin with, accessing internet only with reliable computers is the best advice. Then, if strictly necessary, select carefully the online shops according to their safety rating. In addition, create strong passwords using symbols and a mix of capital letters and numbers. For example, your personal identification number is not a difficult number to hack. Try to be more creative.

In conclusion, although internet is an advanced tool available for almost everybody in the world, different types of crimes can be committed using it. However, with careful​​ measurements​​ and​​ detailed​​ selection of passwords this type of trend can be​​ substantially reduced.

In conclusion, although​​ the​​ internet is an advanced tool available for almost everybody in the world, different types of crimes can be committed using it. However, with careful​​ measures​​  when selecting passwords, this​​ trend​​ can be substantially reduced.

 

Band score

Task

ResponseR

6

STATE YOUR AIMS This essay will explore X and X.​​ 

Always link back to the essence of the question (in this case, internet crime)

Make sure your examples relate to the wuestion

Coherence

and

Cohesion

6

Furthermore/Moreover/Also/Additionally/In addition,

It + them!?!?!

However x 3 = :(​​ 

Nevertheless, / Having said that, / That said,

Lexical

Resource

7

Spiralling -

 

When you use a noun use to access to / a call to​​ 

taken into account - remember the status of something while doing something else

Put into effect - activate/implement

Grammar

Response

6

throughout​​ = from the beginning to the end

Fx

 

how do you become a doctor?

 

By studying hard (verb+ing)

With lots of hard work (instrument or a thing)

Through years of study  (longer multi-phase process)

 

last week i taught 15 students  (the previous week)

In the last week, i have taught 15 students (in the last 7 days)

 

In the last month, i have been to paris twice (in the last 30 days)

last month, i went to paris twice (June)