Articles and prepositions

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Internet crime is rising rapidly as more people around the world have the internet. Discuss the reasons for this and offer some solutions.  

 

Error                    It’s ok, but we can improve                    Good to go

 

It is undeniable that internet is a powerful tool used by almost 80% of the world’s population. However, throughout this technological resource, criminals are stealing personal information and crime rate is increasing continuously.

Now used by the majority of the world’s population, it is undeniable that the internet is a powerful and widely-trusted tool. However, through this technological resource, criminals are stealing personal information and the crime rate is spiralling.

There are a number of crimes that can be committed using the web. Firstly, and probably the most common, is the access to private data. Criminals, using advanced software, can access to credit card numbers and bank account passwords. For instance, the last month I received my bank statement with a USD250 discount for a purchase in a sport shop in Miami. This is clearly an illustration of this type of crime as I did not buy any item.  Secondly, criminals can also have access to private photographs and then use it to create fake profiles on Facebook or Instragram. Using these profiles x they ask for money or blackmail your contacts. Even more, personal photographs can be used to promote pornographic web sites.

There are a number of crimes that can be committed on the web. Firstly, and probably most common, is (by) accessing private data. Criminals, using advanced software, can access credit card numbers and bank account passwords. For instance, last month I received a bank statement with a USD250 deduction for a shop purchase. Given that I had made no such purchase, my bank details had clearly been hacked and used. Secondly, criminals can also gain access to private photographs and then use these/them to create fake profiles on commonly-used applications such as Facebook or Instagram. Using these profiles they ask for money or blackmail your contacts. Additionally, personal photographs can be used to promote pornographic web sites.

However, different measures can be taken into account to prevent this type of crime. To begin with, accessing to internet only in reliable computers is the best advice. Then, if strictly necessary, select carefully the on-line shops according to their safety rating. In addition, create strong passwords using symbols and a mix of capital letters and numbers. For example, your personal identification number is not a difficult number to hack. Try to be more creative.

However, different measures can be put into effect to prevent this type of crime. To begin with, accessing internet only with reliable computers is the best advice. Then, if strictly necessary, select carefully the online shops according to their safety rating. In addition, create strong passwords using symbols and a mix of capital letters and numbers. For example, your personal identification number is not a difficult number to hack. Try to be more creative.

In conclusion, although internet is an advanced tool available for almost everybody in the world, different types of crimes can be committed using it. However, with careful measurements and detailed selection of passwords this type of trend can be substantially reduced.

In conclusion, although the internet is an advanced tool available for almost everybody in the world, different types of crimes can be committed using it. However, with careful measures  when selecting passwords, this trend can be substantially reduced.

 

Band score

Task

ResponseR

6

STATE YOUR AIMS This essay will explore X and X. 

Always link back to the essence of the question (in this case, internet crime)

Make sure your examples relate to the wuestion

Coherence

and

Cohesion

6

Furthermore/Moreover/Also/Additionally/In addition,

It + them!?!?!

However x 3 = 🙁 

Nevertheless, / Having said that, / That said,

Lexical

Resource

7

Spiralling -

 

When you use a noun use to access to / a call to 

taken into account - remember the status of something while doing something else

Put into effect - activate/implement

Grammar

Response

6

throughout = from the beginning to the end

Fx

 

how do you become a doctor?

 

By studying hard (verb+ing)

With lots of hard work (instrument or a thing)

Through years of study  (longer multi-phase process)

 

last week i taught 15 students  (the previous week)

In the last week, i have taught 15 students (in the last 7 days)

 

In the last month, i have been to paris twice (in the last 30 days)

last month, i went to paris twice (June)