Answering All Parts of the Question Prompt in Writing Task 2

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Some people think that job security is more important than job satisfaction, while others hold that it is better to do a job that you like rather than just have a safe career.
Discuss both these opinions and give your own opinion.

Error                    It’s ok, but we can improve                    Good to go

 

The modern job market offers a wider range of positions than ever before. The question of whether it is better to make a safe career is therefore heatedly debated. I hold the view that it is more important to choose satisfying profession instead.

The modern job market offers a wider range of positions than ever before. The question of whether it is better to find a safe career is therefore heatedly debated. I hold the view that it is more important to choose a    satisfying profession instead.

 

Rewrite (changing lots of the question rubric):

The modern job market offers an unprecedented/unparalleled number of work positions than ever before. The question of whether it is better to hold down a steady job is therefore heatedly debated. I hold the view that it is crucial to choose a rewarding profession instead.

There are many people who prefer to secure a decent job and keep it safely. It might be sensible thing to do because such employees are less stressed about the risk of losing their job. For this reason they can devote their full attention to their private life instead of pursuing challenges at work. One can be happy with their family, whereas another can dedicate himself to a appealing hobby. The other side of the coin, however, is that such employees usually are not interested in a job itself or its results to the society. In this case the work is treated as only a source of income. Job can be tedious or even annoying, considering the amount of time that people have to spend on it.

There are many who prefer to secure and hold down a decent job, which might be the sensible thing to do because in doing so such employees would be less stressed about the risk of losing their job. For this reason they can devote their full attention to their private life instead of pursuing challenges at work. Whereas some can be happy enjoying spending time with their family, others can dedicate themselves to appealing hobbies. The other side of the coin, however, is that such employees usually are not interested in a job itself or its results for the society, in which case the work is treated as only a source of income. A job/jobs can be tedious or even annoying, considering the amount of time that people have to spend on it.

On the contrary, people who have decided to work at satisfying job are guaranteed to have entertainment five days a week. The fact is that the majority spend the significant part of their non-sleeping time at work, hence, it is crucial for everyone to enjoy with what they do to earn for living. Indeed, in any occupation, be it a dermatologist or an office cleaner, there are professionals setting an example and who are genuinely passionate about the way they work. If that is true, then there is a great chance that people who are indifferent to their work, just did not try enough selection of areas. as a case in point, many well known artists have started their career as an engineers, which means that it is possible to change a job radically, not to mention that one can easily switch it slightly provided that the new work is more enjoyable for they.

On the contrary, people who have decided to work in a rewarding job are guaranteed to have entertainment five days a week. The fact is that the majority spend the significant part of their non-sleeping time at work, hence, it is crucial for everyone to enjoy what they do to make a living. Indeed, in any occupation, be it a dermatologist or an office cleaner, there are professionals who are both setting an example and genuinely passionate about the way they work. This being true, there is a great chance that people who are indifferent to their work simply have not tried a wide enough variety of working professions. as a case in point, many well known artists have started their career as an engineers, which means that it is possible to change a job radically, not to mention that one can easily switch it slightly provided that the new work is more enjoyable for they.

To sum up, in spite of obvious advantages of secure job, I believe that the benefits of satisfying work outweigh them.

To sum up, in spite of the obvious advantages of a secure job, I believe that the benefits of satisfying work outweigh them.

 

Rewrite (using more personal opinions):

One of the most important reasons why I think work should be rewarding is the fact that people on this job will more likely to be successful, and consequently, more valuable. The result of this would be that these contented hard-workers will prove to be indispensable to their employers.

 

Rewrite II (using more personal opinions):

I posit that in choosing to do what we love most we take steps towards guaranteeing that we excel in our field, which in turn gives us assurance of the longevity of our career. Conversely, a lack of interest in our work is inextricably linked to bad performance and stagnant careers.

 

Band score

Task ResponseR

5

the third part is incompletely addressed and the writer did not give enough of their own opinion, an important part of the prompt.


In the rewrites there are two versions which include the writer’s own opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

6

Paragraphing would be more logical if there were 3 clear paragraphs of equal length to reflect what the question prompt is asking.

Lexical Resource

6

There is some repetition of the question rubric 

 

Nouns to change: 

people - Some think, there are those who think

security - hold it down, guarantee of work

satisfaction/satisfying - enjoyment, rewarding work 

job - work, profession, occupation, what they do for a living, field

career - career path

Grammar Response

7